My mother and I had a complicated relationship. I wish I could tell you what a wonderful mother she was because, in turns, she was. But then, it would feel like a half-lie. And a half-lie is almost always or usually very nearly a full lie. If I tell you of the other topsy-turvy, spinning turns of my life with my mother, I would feel like I was betraying the good in her. She was a woman living her life as best she could on this planet. How can I criticize that?

If I tell you how much I want my mommy right now, you would assume I meant my mother. I assumed I meant her. Now I am not so sure. 

I feel so lost. I want someone to hold me, rock me back and forth and softly, through my great heaving sobs, tell me that everything is going to be okay. Someone who won’t care that I am getting her shirt all wet with my tears. And I want to stay there as long as I need to stay there. Not until she tires of it all and plops me back down on the hard wooden rocker all alone. I want to be able to cry myself to sleep and wake up still in my mother’s arms. But not really my mother.

My husband wants me to get on with my life. To buck up. To be the adult. I don’t want to be the adult right now. I want to have a great, screaming meltdown in the middle of the supermarket floor just as the cart is already half full of groceries and everyone is staring and muttering that someone really should do something about this child.

My children want me to help them with their math problems. To fix their dinner. To clean the tub. I want someone to do those things, too. Someone to make sure I have fresh sheets on my bed and a clean dress laid out for tomorrow. Someone who knows where my shoes are.

Where is she? Where is this person called Mother. Who is this person called Mother? Why is everyone looking at me?

What is it?

It’s Clara’s own springtime perfume concoction.

God’s Will

I know, I know where violets blow
Upon a sweet hillside,
And very bashfully they grow
And in the grasses hide—
It is the fairest field, I trow,
In the whole world wide.

One spring I saw two lassies go,
Brown cheek and laughing eye;
They swung their aprons to and fro,
They filled them very high
With violets—then whispered low
So strange, I wondered why.

I know where violet tendrils creep
And crumbled tombstones lie,
The green churchyard is silence-deep;
The village folk go by,
And lassies laugh and women weep,
And God knows why.

Robert Louis Munger

“Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.”
Publius Syrus (42 B.C.), Maxim 914

I had to think about this week’s theme, “Technology”. We have a lot of gadgets around here that I could have taken pictures of, but I tend to dislike taking photos of gadgetry. I also kept trying to consider carefully what really brings joy to our home. The piece of technology that brings me the most joy would have to be our Yamaha DGX500 digital keyboard. I don’t know how to play any musical instrument or even how to read music, but my girls have been taking lessons for years. This makes me very happy because they will have the gift of music to share with others throughout their lives. Moments like this make my day.

(Just between the two of us, though, the kitchen appliances and the washer and dryer all weighed heavily in my considerations.)

As we begin the New Year 2007, let’s look at what were our Hits & Misses for 2006. This could include anything at in your life. Perhaps you tried a new curriculum, a different approach to discipline, a new cookbook, a better (or worse) way to organize your time. Maybe, you joined a new group, or tried a new class.

The assignment for this week is make a List of “HITS” and a List of “MISSES”!

Extra Credit (from Training Hearts Mom): Take your favorite Homeschool item and write Raving Review! Be sure to share from the heart and be honest. In your review include the 5 W’s and the H…Who, What, Where, Why and How!

As I was writing down a list of what I consider the “hits” and “misses” of my life this past year, I realized that for every hit there seemed to be a somewhat related miss. It suddenly just jumped out at me while I was looking at the list. While I don’t think some of them are directly related; some of them definitely are. So here they are.

Hits

1. Our new puppy Banjo

2. Dressing more modestly

3. The Greenleaf Guide To Old Testament History

4. Headcovering

5. Our new bed

6. My new kitchen

Misses

1. Spending time with my girls

2. Reading my Bible

3. Wise Up! Wisdom in Proverbs

4. Pleasing my husband (a.k.a. keeping up with the housework)

5. Getting on a good sleep schedule

6. Cooking better meals more often

Now I shall explain.

Numbers One
On January 5th of 2006 our sweet little Boston Terrier was born and we were able to bring him home in early March. Banjo has turned out to be a wonderful addition to our family. He’s been a breeze to housebreak and has such a good temperament. God has really blessed our family with this puppy. On the other hand, I have had a strong desire to spend more time with my girls and feel like I haven’t done as well as I possibly could have this past year. This is not because I have given all of my attentions to Banjo, but it did seem superficially related when I was drawing up my list. It is a hard thing to explain to non-homeschooling moms how you can spend just about each and every hour of your waking day with your children and still feel like you haven’t spent time with them. I miss the days when they were younger and schoolwork didn’t seem as pressing. Now that Lily is in high school and I have to think about what her transcript will ultimately look like, I suddenly miss the days of tent-building in the middle of our living room and of paper dolls. I want to play games with my girls and read to them. I find myself resenting the shadow “college” has cast over our days.

Numbers Two
Now this year I have had a good deal of success and satisfaction in dressing modestly. I am far more comfortable in dresses and I feel like it has been a blessing in my life. On the other hand, I have felt like a failure at spending more time in God’s word. When writing up this list, I realized that, as satisfying as it may be to be dressing modestly, it is a small thing compared to keeping nigh unto God. It almost makes me feel like a hypocrite. I feel like a beautiful vase that remains empty.

Numbers Three
This year I decided to pull out a Bible curriculum that I bought a couple of years ago for Lily, but decided wasn’t really for her. I thought, for some bizarre reason, that I should give it a try with Clara. It is a very nice study of Proverbs, but it is a workbook. We don’t like workbooks. We really, really don’t like workbooks. So, after several attempts at using this curriculum, I dug out our The Greenleaf Guide To Old Testament History and asked Clara if she would like to snuggle up and read the Bible with me. She agreed that this would be a great thing and we are all very glad.

Numbers Four
For several years now I have felt like I should wear a headcovering. Nobody in our congregation wears a headcovering, so whenever I questioned 1 Corinthians 11, everyone would say they thought that a woman’s hair was the covering mentioned in those verses or that it no longer applies to modern day Christians. I kept having a nagging feeling that that wasn’t enough. I read and reread this scripture and studied the Greek words that were being translated until I understood that God wanted me to wear a headcovering. I do not bind this on other women. This is between me and my God. I do not think that women who do not wear a headcovering will not have their prayers answered. I don’t think it is a salvation issue. I just feel like it is an issue I needed to address in my life. I started wearing a headcovering in the spring of 2006 and have felt many blessings come from having chosen to do so. It has made me more aware of my place in God’s plan for my marriage. I can see how it has changed my heart attitude in many ways. The other side of this though, the “miss”, is that I know perfectly well what pleases my husband and I continue to neglect those things. I know that he is happiest when we have a tidy home and I am in the bad habit of letting things slide around here. I want to work on that this year.

Numbers Five
I have been having sleep problems for quite some time. I know that I need good rest and that I can let my sleep schedule get completely turned around in a matter of days because I tend to be a night owl. My beloved husband took me out shopping for a new bed this summer since we had been sleeping on the same one for twelve years. He felt that a new bed would help to alleviate some of my sleep problems. He had me lie down on several mattresses until I picked the perfect one. I felt like the princess in The Princess and the Pea. I have never slept on a mattress such as this. It is absolutely dreamy. It was a hit, for sure. Getting myself on a regular sleep schedule, however, has been a terrible miss. It is after one in the morning as I type this.

Numbers Six
Now you are going to wonder how I ever came into such a blessing with my husband when I tell you this. After living in our home for ten years and having to cook in a kitchen that was fifty years old, my husband took me out to pick all new everything for my kitchen. New cupboards and cabinets to replace the cupboards with doors that were falling off of their hinges and drawers that were without fronts. A new counter top to replace the one with cracks running through it and awful black, bubbled burn marks on it. And, no, I didn’t create these horrific burns. He even got a new stove with a convection oven and a microwave above the stove and a new refrigerator. And a new sink and a garbage disposal and…Okay, I will stop now. I got a brand new kitchen because my husband loves me like no other man could ever even come close to trying. And, for several months, I cooked like I had never cooked before. I discovered Allrecipes.com and never have to wonder how to cook another piece of meat again. At some point, though, I quit. I am not sure why. So the kitchen was a hit and my cooking turned into a miss.

So there you have it. My wonders and blunders of 2006. I suppose I could use the “misses” to create a nice little New Year’s resolution list. I’ve never made a New Year’s resolution list before. What do you think?

Thirteen Things I Found Under My Tree

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.”
- Burton Hillis

1. 8 large white bath towels

2. 8 white hand towels

3. 8 white washcloths

4. 4 white king-sized pillow cases

5. 1 warm throw blanket with matching “napping pillow” and “napping socks”

6. 1 leather-bound Thompson’s Chain-Reference Bible (KJV)

7. 4 beautiful modest dresses

8. 1 set of Jane Austen novels, Sanditon by Jane Austen and “Another Lady”, and Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

9. 1 good book on learning to crochet, 2 books on crochet stitches and 1 book on knitting techniques

10. 1 set of crochet hooks & dark blue and black yarn

11. The A&E Literary Classics – Romance Collection Megaset (DVDs) which includes Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Victoria & Albert, Tom Jones, Jane Eyre, Lorna Doone, Ivanhoe, and The Scarlet Pimpernel)

12. 1 happy family

13. 1 good nap

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Blogger Friend School – Cookie Exchange

Most people LOVE cookies and the holidays are just a perfect time of year to share our family favorite cookie recipes.
The assignment this week is to post your recipe and any family history behind the recipe.
If you have time to take pictures, please share a visual
Better yet, make it a homeschool project, put on your aprons, and have a baking day. Language Arts can be reading the recipe and spelling the name of the cookie….Math can be measuring the ingredients and guessing how many cookies your recipe will “actually”…Science can be experimenting with different food colors, Art can be decorating the cookies, and History can be sharing with your children about your time growing up and baking cookies.
Our favorite part of baking day is Snack Time!…BUT don’t forget to toss in a good Home Economics lesson and teach proper kitchen clean up. Have fun!

I suppose that some people would not consider this a “cookie” in the classic sense; but my mother made tarts every year for Christmas along with every other type of cookie you could imagine. These were always my favorites and, I might add, are only made the better by a pot of hot tea.
You will need to try and find some tart tins, if you don’t already have a supply of them. True tart tins are exceptionally difficult to find in the United States. They are not mini-muffin tins. They are very shallow compared to a mini-muffin tin.
The tart tins that I have seem to be a bit more shallow than this one appears, but they were handed down from my grandmother to my mother and then to me. Williams-Sonoma used to have nice tart tins, but I don’t think they carry them any more. One could ask, though. Otherwise, I’m afraid you’ll have to order them from England.
COCONUT JAM TARTS
(Makes about 40 tarts)
Pastry
3 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup shortening (Crisco)
1/3 cup milk
Coconut
4 tablespoons butter
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup coconut
Line tart tin with pastry. Put about 1/2 teaspoon of raspberry jam in each. Top with about 1 teaspoon of coconut mixture. Bake at 400 degrees for 10-12 minutes.

I recently picked up a 1974 edition of a ‘Woman’s Day Super Special,’ a collection of ’365 money saving menus.’ In the back of the magazine qua cookbook there was a questionnaire which the original owner filled out, but never tore out and mailed in. I thought it would be fun to reproduce some of those questions here, add a couple of my own, and get to know each other (and our kitchens) better.

1. How many meals does most of your family eat at home each week? How many are in your family?
17 meals/4 people (My husband eats carryout lunch at work five days a week, but I wasn’t sure how to factor that in.)
2. How many cookbooks do you own?
I just boxed them up when we moved all of our stuff into the ‘POD’ last week, so I know that I have one large box of cookbooks. They are not all moving back in, though.
3. How often do you refer to a cookbook each week?
When I start regularly preparing meals mightier than macaroni and cheese and fish sticks, I will let you know.
4. Do you collect recipes from other sources? If so, what are some of your favorite sources (relatives, friends, magazines, advertisements, packages, the Internet, etc.)
I occasionally collect recipes from the sides of containers of Breakstone’s cottage cheese, boxes of Bisquick and cans of Campbell’s soup.
5. How do you store those recipes?
Store them? I usually have my husband go back out to the grocery store, grab another container, box or can of the product and then have him collect the rest of the ingredients while he is there reading the label and muttering to himself. He is not afraid to ask strange women passing by if they can see any cans of Campbell’s French onion soup. He is a good man.
6. When you cook, do you follow the recipe pretty closely, or do you use recipes primarily to give you ideas?
I learned early in life that one should always follow the directions. I think I learned it shortly after l learned to raise my hand before asking a question. I raise my hand a lot while I am cooking.
7. Is there a particular ethnic style or flavor that predominates in your cooking? If so, what is it?
Does anyone know Betty Crocker’s heritage?
8. What’s your favorite kitchen task related to meal planning and preparation? (eating the finished product does not count)
Are you kidding? All tasks related to meal planning and preparation are the equivalent of self-flagellation.
9. What’s your least favorite part?
Cleaning a two-week-old, chili-encrusted, non-immersible crock pot.
10. Do you plan menus before you shop?
I have a general idea, but no grand plans.
11. What are your three favorite kitchen tools or appliances?
The dishwasher, the microwave and the telephone.
12. If you could buy one new thing for your kitchen, money was no object, and space not an issue, what would you most like to have?
A cook.
13. Since money and space probably are objects, what are you most likely to buy next?
Since we just had our wood flooring extended out into the kitchen, I am most interested in finding a suitable, round braided rug to protect the main traffic area.
14. Do you have a separate freezer for storage?
Yes. It is on our back porch.
15. Grocery shop alone or with others?
I hate shopping for anything. I usually use Peapod to deliver my groceries. For five dollars, it is worth it for someone else to gather and deliver my groceries.
16. How many meatless main dish meals do you fix in a week?
A main dish that either isn’t meat or doesn’t involve meat? What is that?
17. If you have a decorating theme in your kitchen, what is it? Favorite kitchen colors?
I just had my kitchen redone. We have maple cabinets and cupboards with a dark green “moss” stain on them, wood floors, and a beige stone-look countertop. The walls are “lambswool” and the appliances are all white. I like to hang old, framed prints of children playing out of doors throughout my house, so you will find some out in the kitchen, too. Our house in general has a lot of browns, greens and beiges with a “nature” theme.
18. What’s the first thing you ever learned to cook, and how old were you?
I made tomato soup with hot dogs cut up in it for my three younger siblings when I was about ten and my mother was in bed with the flu and my father was out of town on business. Otherwise, I was not allowed in the kitchen except to do the dishes.
19. How did you learn to cook?
I had to call my mother to find out how to make hard-boiled eggs when I was twenty-two and married. Does this tell you anything? My husband told me the best way to learn how to cook was to just start by using a cookbook. He is a good cook and a patient man. Maybe one of my siblings let on about the hot dog and tomato soup.
20. Tag two other people to play.
(Okay, so I am tagging three other people.)
Luna Moth
Palm Tree Pundit
Thicket Dweller